Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting around utterly bored (aka “procrastinating cleaning”), and decided to do a little research into this whole “homebirth” thing. Maybe I’m so against doing it because I haven’t read enough about it, right? So, following a group of links from the wonderful A Mamma in the Making, I ended up on the MotheringDotCommunity forums where they have just a ton of topics about the homebirth experience. And I started to feel a little better about things in general, except for the fact that I’d be doing it in this particular apartment (we love this place so much that we call it “the apartment of rot” … yes, really…), until I decided “Alright, time to watch some videos.”
IF I HAD WATCHED VIDEOS OF GIVING BIRTH 31 WEEKS AGO, I WOULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN PREGNANT. Holy moly. How scary is that shit? Of course, at the end of every video I start crying when the baby finally slips out and the mother looks so relieved and happy, because all my hormones were like awwwwwhh! I then did the most logical thing I could think of: I called Chris.
“Hi honey,” he said.
“Hi,” I answered, “I’m just calling to let you know we’re never having sex again.”