Up to Week 6: I’M NOT PREGNANT, THOSE ARE PERIOD CRAMPS AND IT WILL COME ANY DAY NOW.
Weeks 7 to Week 14: Okay, are you ever going to grow? Hello? Is there even a baby in there or is this some cruel joke?
Weeks 15 to Week 20: My MINISCULE bump is the greatest. thing. ever. Just look at it! I am clearly pregnant! Everyone can see it……. can’t they?
Weeks 21 to 29: Holy fuck, my belly is expanding exponentially and I can’t move I can’t breathe I can’t roll over oh my God how is it even going to get any bigger?
Weeks 30 to present: Wait, I don’t think it’s big enough. How on earth is a person, a viable human being, that small? Is she cramped in there? Is she tired of not having as much room to kick me? No matter what angle I look at it from, it just doesn’t seem as big as I think it should be…
Also, pure hilarity: laughing with my belly exposed. My belly button juts out ALL THE WAY (if it isn’t already, which depends on how Maia is positioned) and my entire belly quivers back and forth like Jell-o. Then I start laughing even harder because it looks so preposterous, and Chris teases me between his own bouts of laughter… good times.
PS: Happy 22nd, Aunt-to-be Katie! We love you & wish we could be there to celebrate with you. And hey, Mom? Thanks for making her so perfectly 🙂