My baby is like… right around the corner. Or, more realistically since I’m a first timer, still a month away. But it honestly feels like the past eight months or so have flown by so quickly that I still have a bit of a hard time realizing it. I mean, these are (God willing) the last days of our household being just Chris & I for a long, long time. Things are going to get more exciting, more meaningful, and more stressful.
We were talking about sex today (thanks to Craigslist, which we were perusing for glider/rocking chairs and ended up in the ‘casual encounters’ section) and I was like “WE ARE NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN, BECAUSE SEX IS HOW YOU GET PREGNANT.” He was sad. But it made me start thinking about birth control after the baby arrives. There are several options that are ‘safe’ to use while breastfeeding, which is the most important consideration to me. Then, I want something that isn’t inconvenient to remember — like the pill — I swear to God I’ve taken the pill for at least four years of my sex life and if I’ve ever remembered to take it at the same time more than two days in a row, I’d consider that a miracle. I was on the patch before getting pregnant, which I pretty much loved once I found a spot to put it that didn’t itch like mad (that is, my shoulder), but it’s not breastfeeding approved.
So I’ve been thinking about IUDs. The thought of some object taking up permanent residency in my uterus and leaving a little string that I have to check out dangling through my cervix disgusts me though, and having read Bad Mommy Moments Mirena Diaries, I worry about the impact that the IUD could have on my personality and comfort. Sigh.
I should bring this all up with my midwife. I don’t want baby #2 for awhile — I don’t want to be pregnant again — I want to eat sushi and drink wine. I also think I’m going to ease up on my dietary restrictions and start eating red meat & pork products again. This isn’t just an economic consideration, but a taste one as well; I feel like there’s an entire world of food out there that I’m excluding and I don’t have a reason for it anymore. I really love cooking and I would like to be able to experiment more with different flavours and cuts of meat, and I don’t want to force Maia onto my “diet” as she’s growing up. Also, I made a pot roast for Chris the other night and I just about was dying from how amazing it smelled. And I miss corned beef.
I’m still mostly sleeping on the couch, although I’ve spent a few nights this week in bed. I hate when I need to get out of bed though; it’s a total pain to try and roll out, and for some reason my pelvis always hurts worse when I stand up from being in bed than when I stand up from lying on the couch.
This Wednesday, we are going to see some friends of ours who grew up here with my husband, but moved to Vancouver two? or three? years ago. They’re visiting, and they have with them their son, who is probably 16 months or so old now. I remember seeing him when he was only three months old and I was just terrified of the thought of holding him — because I didn’t want to end up wanting a baby. These are the only friends of ours who have a kid and they are so thrilled for us, but it breaks my heart that this is just a visit and they’ll be back on the other side of the country so soon. For a long while, Chris and I were debating moving out there, and a part of me still wants to, but I also absolutely love the city we’re in right now. I like that we’re close to his family. If we moved way out there, we’d be on the opposite coast from my family instead of just a nine hour drive. Then again, if his company were to open a terminal out West and offer him a job there, well, I don’t know if we’d be able to refuse… I really like changes in scenery. It’s hard for me to feel settled somewhere, at this point in my life. I’m sure when Maia is in school and has friends, the decision to uproot her will matter far more than any decision to uproot myself.
There’s one prevailing thought that goes through my head no matter what, though:
Life is good.
I am so grateful to feel this way.