I’ve cried because:
I love her so much.
Her hair is the most beautfiul mahogany that if I could bottle it up and sell it, everyone in the world would buy it.
She rolled halfway onto her right side (stop growing up please).
She lifted her head off my shoulder (ditto).
She opened her eyes and just laid there looking at everything, including her amazing daddy who couldn’t stop looking back.
My mom started crying because I was crying (ohhh, hormones).
She was so good when the midwife pricked her ankle to take blood (I was so proud)– until she did it a second time to get more blood (OH GOD HOW COULD I LET SOMEONE HURT MY BABY).
She got really upset last time we gave her a bath, and even though I knew she was fine, I just wanted to pull her away from the thing that was making her cry, and comfort her.
I’ve laughed because:
She farts a lot and it’s fucking adorable. I thought she was about to smile at me once and then — poot!
Daddy was holding her and she had a very loud, rumbly bowel movement that probably echoed through the house.
She is fascinated by her furbrother, who is a high-contrast black and white and absolutely enamoured of her. I have never seen him so interested in something.
When she is about to start crying, her little lips purse, twist, and turn bright white around the edges. Then she’ll cry, and when she gets REALLY upset she sounds like “BAHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA” — I think it sounds like a billy goat, my midwife said it sounds like a dolphin, and everyone agrees that it is somehow fucking hilarious no matter what.
Chris and I were changing her first poopie diaper as her babcia (Polish for grandma – my mom!) observed, and as soon as the air hit her she let loose this dribble of pee. We were like “ACK!” and then realized hey, maybe we should, you know, move her out of it.
Last night she had her first poo-splosion. This was not terribly funny, except for the fact that we really didn’t think she could make any more and yet she managed to push some out as we changed her diaper.
She was pooping as I started to type this entry, and with every little push she made this little victory shout.
… and now I’m laughing because all the sudden I understand why moms talk about their baby’s poop so much. I mean seriously, I’m so proud of every stinky diaper.
In other related news, my nipples are aching. We are still working on our latch, and I think that my nipples are ‘toughening’ up — I mean, getting sucked at for hours a day is kind of foreign to them. We bought some of that lanolin cream type stuff, and it’s a lifesaver. Also a lifesaver are the Tucks pads my mom brought — they’re witch hazel pads — we put the container in the fridge and they feel really, really nice laid against my stitches or my butt. I was surprised they didn’t sting against the stitches, since witch hazel is an astringent (right?), but they’re actually fairly soothing. Less soothing, however, was the overnight-sized maxi pad I moistened with water and froze then tried to wear. Oh sure, it felt great against the stitches, but since it covered from the front of my coochie to nearly the top of my butt, the rest of me was about fuckin freezing… I didn’t wear that for too long.
I am having a hard time forcing myself to sit up straight. When I feed Maia, I’m hunched forward a bit holding her, and I find myself hunching over more to stay closer to her, watch her latch, and just breathe her in. This is leading to my shoulders and neck being incredibly tight. I really need to work on my posture with that.
My baby belly is disappearing faster than I thought it would. This is kind of good in a way, because it’s a pleasant surprise, but it’s sort of sad — I found myself standing in front of the mirror teary-eyed about how I no longer had a big baby belly. Stupid, I know, since I have the baby now, and I’m actually able to use my abdominal muscles and wear t-shirts that I haven’t been able to since October, and I honestly don’t even miss being pregnant because there is so much else filling my life right now, but true.
I wish I could more adequately capture the way I’m feeling right now and over these past few days. Time is kind of a blur, and it’s already hard to remember what I was doing last week at this time, when Maia wasn’t in my life.
Whatever it was, though… it ain’t got nothin’ on life right now.