Maia 1, Mama 0

March 9, 2009 at 4:37 pm (Baby Stuff) (, , , )

Maia is actually sleeping at the moment. I guess the trip to Wal-Mart and Sobey’s wore her out (God bless car rides).

A few hours ago, we had a minor meltdown chez moi, in which I pretty much lost my shit over the fact that she would cry any time one of us was not holding her — even when I’d soothe her to sleep, as soon as I laid her down, no matter how deeply asleep she was, she’d wake up.  Finally I laid her in her bassinet, walked out, closed the door, and let her scream while I made and ate some lunch.  I felt like an absolutely horrible person, knowing that if I just picked her up she’d be comforted and stop crying, but at the same time I don’t think it’s reasonable to hold my child 99% of her awake time.

Of course, when I finally finished as much of my lunch as I could stomach and went into the bedroom (I honestly can’t tell you how long she cried for, because it felt like forever, but since I had a PB&J sandwich for lunch it couldn’t have been that long) … I picked her up and we sat there sobbing quietly against one another, her head on my shoulder.  Chris followed me and took her, which was good, because I needed a Kleenex.

We also tried a pacifier today for the first time.  I really did not want to give it to her, but Chris, Maia, and I were all so frustrated with one another that I decided to give it a try.  Our latch is pretty much perfected so far as I can tell, and using the pacifier would be a rarity anyhow.  I got teary-eyed as Chris tried to get her to take the pacifier, and when she rejected it I felt so relieved — except for the fact that she got SO ANGRY over it not being a real nipple (she spit out the pacifier, screwed her face up so tightly that her lips went white, and screeeeeeamed), which then made me feel like a meanie for trying to deny my daughter her desires.

Phew.  This parenting thing is tough.

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6 Comments

  1. J.C said,

    lol i felt exactly like that about trying a pacifier – and felt great when she rejected it wholeheartedly!
    Hang in there. The time she needs you 99% of the time will pass, it was at around 3 months for Lauren, and in the long run it is a really short time. Maybe try and think of it like this – you only get now to have her all the time, soon she’ll be wanting to explore and you won’t get contact on tap, make the most of it cause it doesn’t last long and strangely, you’ll miss the time when all she needed was a cuddle from you to make her feel complete.
    It gets easier – they reckon the first 6 weeks are hardest and you’re halfway through already!

  2. mommyme said,

    Some times you just have to let them be and cry. It’s tough, but believe me when I say that it really isn’t hurting them. Have you tried elevating her crib mattress? I did that with my daughter because ALL of my kids have stomach issues and HATE laying flat on their backs. HATE IT! LOL!!

    Do not feel bad about putting her down. It’s tough, I know, but just know that she is safe and you need some time to either eat, pee or just some breathing room. I had a 2 year old when I brought my little girl home and that was soooo hard!!! He needed me, she needed me….in the end there were time when she had to lay there and just wait a few minutes. And you know what….she is a very happy little 9 month old today!

    Hang in there! You are doing so great!!

  3. Cara said,

    There were more than a couple of times when I was losing my mind that I just let my baby cry. There was some guilt, sure, but if I hadn’t taken those minutes, bad things might have happened.

  4. Lesha said,

    Have you considered a baby wrap (hug-a-bub, Maya, they’re the stretchy jershey cotten types good for new babies)? I used one with my guy when he was little (still using baby carriers today too). Hands free, on your chest, and she’ll most likely just fall asleep and be content there while you do what you need to do.

    I think all moms have days like that though. Heck, not that long ago I did the same thing to my almost 2 year old. He was being such a grouch, I put him in his crib and let him cry while I just decompressed. I felt bad, but I also needed that moment. When you need the moment, take it…you end up a better mom for it, not a worse mom.

  5. Tatiana said,

    I have a Bjorn, which she adores. I tend to use it when my arms are tired moreso than as a comfort thing for her, but I should probably try that.

  6. Damselfly said,

    Aw, I feel for you. I remember the first and one of the few times I put Fly down and let him cry just so I could gobble down some food really fast. It was 2 pm and I hadn’t eaten! I know you’ll find a solution that works for you and Maia.

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