Maia is actually sleeping at the moment. I guess the trip to Wal-Mart and Sobey’s wore her out (God bless car rides).
A few hours ago, we had a minor meltdown chez moi, in which I pretty much lost my shit over the fact that she would cry any time one of us was not holding her — even when I’d soothe her to sleep, as soon as I laid her down, no matter how deeply asleep she was, she’d wake up. Finally I laid her in her bassinet, walked out, closed the door, and let her scream while I made and ate some lunch. I felt like an absolutely horrible person, knowing that if I just picked her up she’d be comforted and stop crying, but at the same time I don’t think it’s reasonable to hold my child 99% of her awake time.
Of course, when I finally finished as much of my lunch as I could stomach and went into the bedroom (I honestly can’t tell you how long she cried for, because it felt like forever, but since I had a PB&J sandwich for lunch it couldn’t have been that long) … I picked her up and we sat there sobbing quietly against one another, her head on my shoulder. Chris followed me and took her, which was good, because I needed a Kleenex.
We also tried a pacifier today for the first time. I really did not want to give it to her, but Chris, Maia, and I were all so frustrated with one another that I decided to give it a try. Our latch is pretty much perfected so far as I can tell, and using the pacifier would be a rarity anyhow. I got teary-eyed as Chris tried to get her to take the pacifier, and when she rejected it I felt so relieved — except for the fact that she got SO ANGRY over it not being a real nipple (she spit out the pacifier, screwed her face up so tightly that her lips went white, and screeeeeeamed), which then made me feel like a meanie for trying to deny my daughter her desires.
Phew. This parenting thing is tough.