I write blog posts in my head all day long. Unfortunately, since I’m usually dealing with Maia, they don’t get typed up. Typing with one hand while I hold her in the other is possible, but definitely not comfortable. Still, since she’s napping, here are a few of the things that have been going through my head lately:
– I wish I had a baby sling as well as my Baby Bjorn carrier. I love the Bjorn for short walks (doing laundry, taking the dogs out), but when she is extremely fussy and I just want to hold her against me, or when I want to eat and she wants to be held, I think a sling would be a better option.
– Where are all my burp cloths going? We have like six, and half the time I can only find the one that’s slung over the arm of the glider.
– As much as I love her, sometimes I just don’t want to hold her. Angry, flailing arms and legs pounding against me don’t hurt, but fuck, sometimes I just don’t want to be touched. When she’s been pissy for an hour and a half, randomly sc reaming in my ear, and I’ve been getting a workout trying to soothe her, it feels like a personal attack when her fist hits my throat. I know it isn’t, I know she has little to no control of her limbs, but I have to remind myself of that when my nerves are raw.
– There are still a few things about the birth that I want to write about, before I forget.
– She and Chris are bonding quite well. She’ll squirm when he tickles her, she is happy when she manages to grab onto his goatee, he can sing to her and she’ll settle (my singing does not seem to do this) — in fact, hilariously, he was singing the “whoooooa-oooo-ooo-ooo-ooo” from NKOTB’s “Hangin’ Tough” to her the other day and she was fascinated.
– This is tough. Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do, and while I know I couldn’t do any better at it than I already am, sometimes I feel inadequate. When my back hurts from carrying her around, I feel like I should be physically stronger. When I take an ibuprofen because taking care of her gives me a headache, I feel like I am a loser for taking that drug. I know that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of her, but it’s still hard at times.
– I love her so damned much. Especially since her gassiness is settling down (and when it flares up, Little Tummys drops really help)!